What's The Best Bread To Use As A Pen?

Kidatetaku (@tech_k) answered the question we've all been asking ourselves for years:

What is the best bread to use as a pen?

It's exactly as it sounds. He put a ballpen inside different kinds of breads and tried them out. He rated each bread on five metrics. They were:

握りやすさ: Clasping/Grasping Ease
汚れなさ: Cleanliness/Not Messy
フィット感: Hand/Grip Fit
書きやすさ: Writing Ease
頑丈さ: Sturdiness/Durability

To make the pen pan, he would drill a hole in the bread.

drilling a hole in the bread

But, for softer bread he didn't have to use the drill.

I'm not going to translate the whole original article or anything. Just summarize it and show you the results. Enjoy!

Baguette Pen

Baguette Pen

Using the Baguette Pen

baguette rating

As you can see, very good for sturdiness and cleanliness, but not so good when it comes to writing ease, fit, and clasping ease. Honestly, I would have expected this to be number one. Thank goodness there's someone out there doing the research so I don't make a terrible bread pen mistake.

Melonpan Pen

If you've never had melonpan (メロンパン), add it to your bucket list, because it's delicious. That being said, I don't think it will make a good pen.

melonpan pen

melonpan pen rating

Yep, turns out I was right. Surprisingly okay when it comes to sturdiness (I guess it's that hard outer shell), but bad at everything else.

Hot Dog Pen

Now we're talking. Something shaped like a pen!

hot dog pen

using the hot dog pen

hot dog pen rating

As expected, though, quite messy. The oiliness doesn't help at all. Everything else was just so-so.

Tricolor Bread Pen

This bread had a different flavor in each one. So Kidatetaku decided to do three colors to match the flavors, like those pens that have multiple colors in them.

tricolor bread pen

tricolor bread pen rating

Really not a great pen. It's not that messy, besides the sesame seeds, but everything else is really quite bad.

Nicestick Bread Pen

I don't know what Nicestick bread is called in English, but basically it's a really long, somewhat sweet dinner roll. It has about 450 calories a pop, but can be broken down into multiple pieces for multiple refills of bread pen.

nicestick bread pen

Here it is broken up:

Surprisingly good! Easy to hold. Has a good fit. Writing is okay. It's not very sturdy (but hey, you have refills) and it's somewhat greasy, but what bread pen is perfect, right?

Eggroll Sandwich Pen

I didn't think this was going to work.

Eggroll Sandwich Pen

Eggroll Sandwich Pen Using

Eggroll Sandwich Rating

Surprisingly good!

Was easy to hold, wasn't messy, fit well, and it was easy to write with. I wouldn't have guessed any of these things. It's only weakness is that it isn't very sturdy.

One interesting point mentioned in the article: Because the egg was thick and heavy, it helped with the hand fit and writing ease.

Croissant Pen

No way this could work... right?

Croissant Pen

Croissant Pen Fit

Look at that fit. It curves right around his hand, making it "easy to write with" too, apparently.

Croissant Pen Rating

Color me surprised. Great in grip, durability, writing ease, and super good in fit. Not so good in messiness, but that's to be expected with all those flakes and grease.

Curry Bread Pen

Currypan (カレーパン) is a bread with a crispy outside filled with Japanese style curry. It's really good. But I'd never use it as a pen.

Curry Bread Pen

Curry Bread Pen Messy

Curry Bread Pen Ratings

As expected, terrible. In terms of messiness, it's as bad as it can be, on the rating scale.

Baconknot Bread

Look at this crazy contraption. Each knot is supposed to be removed for easier consumption, and each knot also contains some bacon. Even if this pen is good, won't you be too tempted to eat it?

Baconknot Bread

Look at this fit. Even better than the croissant, almost.

Baconknot Bread Fit

Baconknot Bread Rating

And I think we have a winner. A smidge messy, but very very good in terms of grasp, durability, writing ease, and even messiness. Also, best fit ever.

Be sure to read the actual article (Japanese).